I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
