My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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