Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
