I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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