Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
