She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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