Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
