One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
