Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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