I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
