My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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