I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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