so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
