This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
