wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
