so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
