That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
