I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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