My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
