Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
