I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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