my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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