Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
