I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
