No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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