So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
