I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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