we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
