my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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