"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
