I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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