Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
