He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
