Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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