Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
