you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
