I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
