i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
