dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
