Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
