Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
