I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
