you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
