I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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