Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
