There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
