ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
