there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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