One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
