I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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