Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
