If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
